Vivian (31) takes antidepressants and shares her experiences on social media

To share

Vivian soon notices that there is still a taboo against taking antidepressants. Even when she searches for fellow sufferers on social media, she cannot find much about this. “In America there is a lot of sharing about this subject, but many people in the Netherlands remain silent about it. I thought that was quite a shame and ultimately I knew that I wanted to do something about it.”

That is why she increasingly shares her story on her own Instagram: thedailydutchy. Here she talks about what it is like to live with medication and how she feels. Yet she notices that her Instagram followers mainly follow her because of the hotspot tips and lifestyle tips, which are accompanied by a lot of humor and positivity. “My followers and I actually both didn’t think it was the right platform to share this kind of stuff. That’s how I ended up at TikTok.”

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So you think you can live?

Although Vivian sometimes feels ashamed of her mental situation, she decides to pursue the idea of ​​her Tiktok series. She came up with the name with her sister. “I told her I did So you think you can live? wanted to mention, because it is my audition for a better life. I immediately thought of television programs, such as So you think you can dance? and I wanted to do something with that. Self-mockery and humor are very important to me.”

Vivian also notices that self-mockery plays a major role in the healing process among fellow sufferers. “It’s all tough enough. I think it’s important to just laugh out loud at yourself sometimes, so that it all feels a little less heavy afterwards.”

Comments

The same evening, Vivian decides to post the first video on TikTok, in which she shares that she has just started taking antidepressants again and will share her findings. At that time, she was doing very poorly and suffered from suicidal thoughts several times a day.

“I was really in a crisis and found it very difficult to talk about it. I did make a promise to myself that I would not cry on screen and would not post it either. I didn’t think much about the first TikTok and simply threw myself into the deep end, not knowing what would set it in motion. When I look back at my own videos, I see for myself where I come from and how many people I help by talking about it together.”

It doesn’t take long before the first reactions start pouring in. Although many people are concerned with Vivian’s situation, there are also plenty of bad apples who don’t understand it. “I’ve had a lot of nasty reactions: that I was looking for attention and that I shouldn’t take antidepressants at all. That has been very triggering, as I am very insecure about myself. Fortunately, I was always able to discuss it with my friends and my boyfriend, which helped. Now I see it as a training for myself to learn to put things into perspective, I also become stronger from the nasty reactions and it no longer affects me. I also try to start a conversation with these people.”

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Environment

Vivian openly talks on the internet about her mental problems and what it is like to live with antidepressants. Despite the negative reactions, Vivian gets a lot of energy from this. “I have also received a lot of positive responses from people who recognize themselves in my situation. I really enjoyed hearing that and it sometimes really brings tears to my eyes. I will continue my series for myself and my fellow sufferers and hope to help people by learning to talk about this difficult subject.”

Improvement

In addition to breaking the taboo, Vivian also gets other long-term benefits from her series. For example, she is now watching videos that she published nine weeks ago. “Now I see that things got a lot worse back then, which I find hard to see. I’m very happy that I feel better now. On a bad day the sun now sets where it used to be pitch black.”

Fortunately, Vivian has a good day more and more often due to her medication and by working hard on herself. “Every week I reflect on how I am doing, what I feel and how I feel. That is sometimes difficult, but necessary. I still don’t think I’m a nice person, even though I notice that I am less insecure and feel a little better about myself. I like to see that. I will continue with my series and working on myself. Hopefully I will be able to reach even more people and make them realize that it is okay to take antidepressants and ask for help.”

Are you struggling with suicidal thoughts or worried about someone else? Then talk about it. Call 0800-0113 (this is possible 24/7) or go to www.113.nl.

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