Marga (48): “Our youngest son often eats with his best friend on Saturdays. He recently said that he sometimes gets a beer there with dinner. We do not want our children to drink alcohol before the age of eighteen. How do I tell that to his friend’s parents without criticizing their upbringing?”
To practice
“The brain is fully mature between the ages of twenty and twenty-five, so it is better not to drink alcohol until then. That’s not how it usually works. If you use eighteen years as the limit, I think it would be wise to grow into that a bit in a safe situation from the age of seventeen. Children learn by practicing and adjusting. I think throwing them to the lions and hoping things go well is asking for trouble.”
Sonja
Your upbringing
“Say it like you say it now: you don’t want your child to drink alcohol before he is eighteen. With that you say everything about your upbringing and nothing about the upbringing of someone else. Also start the conversation with your son.”
Esther
Know for yourself
“Ask your son what he thinks about it, tell him what your opinion is and say that you would rather not do it. Banning is not always the right choice. Blame it on your son and not on his friend’s parents. It is better if he takes responsibility himself.”
Ans
say no
“Teach your child to say no himself, but also call his friend’s parents and tell them that you don’t want your child to drink alcohol before he or she is eighteen. Then you keep it to yourself.”
Susan
And this is what the expert says…
“Many parents experience this and find it uncomfortable. Talking about it is a great first step. Everyone has their own interpretation of parenthood. When you have someone else’s child at home, it is important to agree on rules and values together. It appears that this contact between parents decreases as the children get older. Many parents think that is a shame. To understand what happened, you can visit the parents or call them. First of all, thank them that your son can often eat with them, and then ask if it is true that he gets alcohol from them. You can indicate that you think differently about this. Ask if they would be willing to stop giving both boys alcohol when they are home together. Also explain why that is important to you.”
Prevention expert Jacqueline Krouwel, jellinek.nl
