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After her divorce, Liza (32) met the handsome Kevin, with whom she has a passionate relationship. She cannot grant him a wish to have children, but she does not want to deny him either.
Liza (32), together with Kevin (37) for five years, mother of Faith (8) and Noah (7):
“Every morning I set the alarm for a quarter to seven. My boyfriend Kevin and I then have half an hour to make love before the kids wake up. We think this ‘wake-up sex’ is the best way to start a busy day. It gives just that extra touch. Also nice: ending the day around ten o’clock in the evening with an extensive make-out session, which sometimes lasts for hours.
Joint hobby
Kevin and I see sex as our shared hobby. It is no problem for us to have sex twice a day. Only in a few cases, when we are very tired or I have a heavy menstrual day, I don’t want to mess with my body. But that is sporadic. Normally I am bursting with energy and need a lot of exercise and action. Sex is then a great release. But above all, the best way to strengthen our bond.
Crybaby
In the relationship with the father of my children, there was hardly any intimacy between us at the end. My ex was a workaholic. He had his own company and was busy with it 24/7. He always strived for more. He earned well, which allowed me to stay home with the children. That was especially nice after the birth of our eldest. During and after pregnancy I struggled with pelvic instability, but the worst part was that Faith was a crybaby. She cried non-stop for at least a year. When I walked her around she was quiet, but as soon as I stopped she started screaming again. Maddening.
It stopped when she took her first steps, but then I got pregnant with Noah. Once again, the period after his birth was very intense. He didn’t cry as much as his sister, but they were both bad sleepers. They woke up three or four times a night and I usually slept in the children’s bed.
There was barely any time for each other, let alone affection between me and my ex. That had an impact on our relationship. We divorced two years after Noah’s arrival.
Foreplay
I met Kevin via the internet. I was looking for new friends, but I met him and was immediately thrown into the hotel. There is a huge attraction between us. I find him incredibly attractive and when he touches me, I am immediately ‘on’.
“If the children are with their father, we can have sex all weekend long”
I really like kissing and cuddling as foreplay. Everything in me then starts to tingle. If the children are with their father, we can have sex all weekend long. Then we only stop to eat, drink and shower. I find sweat a real turn-off, so I want us to be clean.
During the week we only have sex when the children are in bed. Then I take them upstairs and stay with them for another half hour or even an hour if I am very sleepy. But then I take a shower, put on something nice and crawl onto Kevin’s lap.
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Curious
It is so important that you continue to take the time for each other and for sex. This way you literally stay in touch with each other. Yet Kevin and I had a break in our relationship two years ago. We are both not only very passionate, we are also full of temperament. Because our love and sex life is so intense, it can also crackle and we thought breaking up was the best thing to do.
During that period I started a relationship with Jaimie and Don, a couple I knew from the dance academy. We started experimenting with each other and maintained a short-lived love triangle. I’m quite bi-curious, enjoyed another woman’s body. Usually the three of us sexted, occasionally I did it alone with Don. But still, I couldn’t get Kevin out of my mind. As exciting as this ménage à trois was, I missed it. His body, touches and passion.
I visited Kevin again and since then we have been closer than ever. We have learned to talk better about our feelings with each other. Kevin had a much tougher upbringing than I did. He has built a wall around himself. But I’m learning more and more to break down that wall. We can now talk for hours together. No subject is taboo.
Children with another
Kevin has no children of his own and he has no active wish yet. If it does happen, I’m fine with him having it with another woman and taking care of it with her. I myself suffered trauma from both my pregnancies and especially the time afterwards. Now I have the easiest children ever, but I never want to go back to those early days.
“I think he can have children with another woman”
I don’t want to and can’t fulfill Kevin’s wish to have children, but I think it’s too great to deprive him of it. So suppose he can form a bond with a single woman who wants to become a mother, then I think it’s fine if he stays with her and the child two nights a week, for example. I’m easy about that, just like a one-night stand or a second relationship. Provided it isn’t done secretly. I draw the line when it comes to affairs behind my back. I am for openness, in all forms.
Ménage à trois
Kevin sees it differently. He is much more into traditional relationships. He doesn’t want to know anything about such a construction, and still hopes that I will one day change my mind and still want to get pregnant again. But he would like it if I had sex with a woman and he could watch it. Something I am also open to.
I have a friend who I know is bi. We tell each other everything about sex, she also knows about my previous escapades. Maybe one day we’ll have sex together. I’m not ruling it out, but I’m not planning it either. If it happens, it must be spontaneous; that if she stays with me, we’ll end up in bed together. I love surprises.”
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