“In 2015, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, from which I was cured thanks to radiation and breast-conserving surgery. I went to the annual check-ups in the hospital with a heavy feeling, terrified that bad news would come again. Unfortunately, that fear became reality last year. There were troubled cells in my right breast, which fortunately usually do not need to be removed.
However, a gene test that followed showed that I am a carrier of the CHEK2 gene, which puts me at an increased risk of recurring breast cancer. I was shocked, but the oncologist was not very concerned. No further treatment, let alone amputation, was necessary.
Walking time bomb
Thank goodness, I immediately thought. I had beautiful breasts and definitely didn’t want to lose them. The idea alone made me extremely sad. I imagined how an amputation would affect my femininity and my modeling. And then I haven’t even mentioned the intimacy between my husband and me, in which my breasts were quite central.
After a while, doubts set in. I felt like a walking time bomb and my enjoyment of life was affected by persistent uncertainty. My thoughts increasingly drifted back to six years ago, when a few troubled cells rapidly transformed into breast cancer. What if these rot cells were suddenly also a malignant tumor at the next check-up? I couldn’t live with that tension. So I told the oncologist, against all medical advice, that I wanted to reconstruct my breasts with silicone.
Doomsday scenario
I am full of life and quickly put aside negative feelings. This would also take some getting used to. How happy I was when I woke up after the amputation. Yes, it looked terrible, but that would improve. This almost euphoric moment turned into a doomsday scenario due to an announcement from the doctor. A 2.5 centimeter malignant tumor was found in the tissue removed from my left breast. My left nipple also had to be removed. The ground beneath my feet sank. How had no one seen this before?
Once again I went under the knife optimistically and woke up relieved. This time an inflammation was found during the operation. Antibiotics couldn’t solve it and so my left silicone had to be removed. I would continue with one beautiful breast and decided to get a beautiful tattoo on the other side. No one expected that I would end up urgently in hospital a few weeks later, because an inflammation in my right side would make me deathly ill. That silicone also had to be removed. At that point I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to get rid of all the hassle.
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Getting used to the bedroom
So now I am completely flat, which I quickly came to terms with. I feel like a woman every day and I now know that it certainly does not depend on a set of breasts. I’m still the same Juul and I still enjoy being in front of the camera. Sometimes with a bra prosthesis, more often without.
It took some getting used to in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, our sex life is very nice and my husband loves me just the way I am. Even now he finds me sexy, there are plenty of other areas to play with. My neck, buttocks, earlobes… I can put on high heels, nice makeup and nice jewelry. Only that chest looks ugly. It feels hard and is not an erogenous zone. I notice that my husband sometimes finds it difficult to touch that area. That’s okay and takes time. However, he is getting a little closer. When I close my eyes, it’s as if my nipples are still there. That sensual feeling will come back all over again.
My life does not suffer from the amputation. I can just go to yoga, go on holiday and go to the cinema. I don’t need breasts for that, do I? I can enjoy it even without tits, I always say. So six weeks after the operation I was back in the sauna. I don’t hide myself. I have a kind ‘fuck it’-developed a mentality, I don’t care what others think. I understand that not everyone feels this way. All feelings are allowed. If you ask me, being beautiful is about appearance and self-confidence. That’s where I get my strength.”
Doctor Rutger explains why it is important to regularly examine your breasts and how to do this:
 underwent a double mastectomy: “I still feel like a woman through and through”){kind=link}