Handover
And one more thing: condoms can reduce the chance of herpes transmission, but they do not provide 100 percent protection. That is an important detail, because if you have genital herpes you will have to discuss this with your new (bed) partner at some point. It is a difficult, but important conversation.
Before we get to advice, we should talk about the number of Dutch people who are diagnosed with herpes every year: 30,000. So it is not a rare STD, but one that is relatively common. That does not change the fact that during a flare-up the virus can be quickly transmitted through the fluid of the blisters or sores. But the virus can also be transmitted without complaints. This happens during a period that ‘shedding’ is called. This is the time when the virus has multiplied in the cells and is looking for a way out through the skin.
People with herpes can take precautions themselves to avoid infecting others. This is not about ‘safe sex, but safer sex’, writes the British Glamour. If you have complaints, avoid sexual contact with others. Although the use of condoms does not completely eliminate transmission, it does reduce the risk of transmission by 30 percent. You can also use medication if you experience complaints and live a healthy lifestyle to reduce the risk of complaints. Side note: It’s unclear what triggers the herpes virus, but a healthy lifestyle is never a bad idea.
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Serious conversation
Suppose you carry the herpes virus with you, when do you discuss this with a new (bed) partner? Giokazta Molina-Schneider, vice president of education and training at Planned Parenthood of Great New York (via: Glamor UK), says there’s no perfect time to share this news. “You don’t have to tell me on the first date. But you should let someone know before you have sex. If the relationship is moving in that direction and you feel like you can trust the person, that’s probably a good time.”
This is a serious (and probably awkward) conversation, so prepare for it. Make sure you have the facts straight so that you can answer your (bed) partner’s questions. This way you can quickly dispel misconceptions. And understand that the other person may need some time to let the information sink in. “Most people know herpes is common and don’t make a big deal about it. But if someone makes you feel guilty or ashamed about having herpes, that’s probably not a person you want to be intimate with,” the expert adds. If there has already been sexual contact before the diagnosis has been shared – think of kissing, manual or oral work or full blown sex – and is the other person concerned about contamination? Then suggest taking a blood test for some more clarity. Please note: during a regular visit to the STD clinic, no testing is done for herpes. You can request this test during an appointment.
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