The search for a new home after a relationship break-up often does not go smoothly, as the story of Iris Brys (35) shows. She is a healthcare professional and single mother of two.
“The children were still small when we separated. I had just returned to work after my maternity leave, when he sent a text message saying that he didn’t like it anymore between us. A bolt from the blue. The youngest was still a baby, so I moved in with my parents. Their care and support helped me through that difficult period. I stayed with them for a year, then the search for a place for the three of us started.
Rotten fish
“I have visited dozens of buildings, each worse than the last. I remember an apartment where the smell of rotten fish hit us in the face as soon as the door opened. We literally started walking from the stench. My mother, who came along to watch, bumped into a door because she wanted to get out so quickly.
“I eventually found an affordable rental property in a nearby municipality. A spacious house with three bedrooms, a garden, lots of light. Too good to be true, because after a few months there was mold on the walls. The owner had renovated it in such a way that you couldn’t see anything at first glance. My son started having problems with his respiratory tract and was sick all the time.
“I felt like I failed as a mother. I then contacted the rental association. They sent a registered letter stating that I should be able to leave the apartment without notice, that I had to leave immediately. After which the owner threw me out of the house without notice, because that was supposedly what I wanted. Within a week I had to pack up and leave. I was on the street with two small children. I went to the OCMW, but they couldn’t help me there. So I moved back in with my parents.”
Unfeasible
“This growing group of singles has been hit extra hard by the sharp increase in interest rates since the beginning of 2022,” says Wouter Thierie, real estate economist at ING. “As a bank, we look at the residual income, at what remains after paying off the mortgage. If interest rates rise so sharply in such a short time and house prices rise along with it, then the group that has to survive on one income in particular will have a hard time. Add to that the misery tax and the recent renovation obligation, and it becomes almost impossible for some people. These government obligations make it even more difficult for single people. At the same time, it is good that it is happening, otherwise we will remain on the market with too many poorly insulated buildings.”
His colleague Bert Theunissen, bank director in Limburg, adds: “The average monthly sum has increased by 200 to 300 euros. This is still manageable with a joint income, but with one income it is often difficult. If you have an average net income of 2,400 euros tomorrow, then a monthly mortgage payment of 1,300 euros is substantial. In practice, this is unfeasible as a single person. We notice that we have to sober people up about this more often.”
Unemployment benefits
Katrien Van den Meerschaute (39), independent therapist and mother of two, gradually adjusted her expectations after her relationship breakup. “You start that search with what you are used to: an owner-occupied home with three bedrooms and a garden, but now I am happy with a rental apartment with two bedrooms.”
She asks if she can read the article, she wants to discuss it with her ex first. It typifies the bond that Katrien still has with her former partner.
“We parted on a warm note. After a year of relationship therapy, I decided to leave the relationship. Because my income was unstable, it took longer before I could leave home. I was recovering from a burnout and was in the middle of my notice period. I was fired because I could no longer meet the expectations of my workplace. I wanted to follow a training program to become an entrepreneur in order to start a practice as an independent therapist, a one-year program during which you retain unemployment benefits. But I couldn’t estimate whether I would be able to support a family with that one benefit.”
Clear figures about the number of house hunters after a relationship break-up are difficult to find. Government agency Living in Flanders says that they do not really know why a person is single, and whether that person comes from a previous relationship. The group of singles is very diverse, so they cannot make statements based on age or household type.
Coordinator of the Flemish Tenants Platform Joy Verstichele also admits that this is a blind spot. “What we do see is that the need for affordable housing among single people is particularly great. The indication for this is that 48 percent of the candidates for social housing consist of one family member. This shows that the private rental market does not offer a solution.”
This is also evident from Stefanie’s story*. Ten years ago she divorced and agreed that she could stay in her ex’s parental home. A spacious house in a quiet neighborhood. She likes living there, but the house needs renovation. The top floor has moisture problems, but because it does not have a rental contract, it is therefore not protected.
“When I try to raise the moisture problem with my ex, he is always difficult to reach. We have been stuck in a fighting situation for years and that has a major impact on my health. I have given up my search on the regular housing market. My two adult children still live at home, so the property must have three bedrooms. When I discuss this at a bank, they laugh at me. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I would be a few years further along, when the children have gone out into the world with a solid foundation.”
In our search for figures, Wouter Thierie says that approximately 43 percent of the number of mortgages went to singles last year. “The stock has risen slightly in recent years,” he says. “In 2021 it was still around 39 percent. I think that’s surprisingly high and I had to double check.”
Nevertheless, the increase fits within the demographic trend that Belgians increasingly live alone. Although we have no direct insight into the number of single people after a relationship breakdown, the size of the diverse group of people living alone still paints a picture. They now number almost 1.8 million, according to Statbel data. They make up 36 percent of the total of 5 million households in our country.
Not all people living alone are single. Single parents, for example, are not included in that 36 percent, because they live together with their children. Last year there were just over 500,000, or about 9.9 percent of all households. Although the number of divorces decreased somewhat in 2022 compared to four years ago, from 22,156 to 19,347, the number of terminations of legal cohabitation increased by 18 percent. In 36.3 percent of cases, one or both legal cohabitants wished to end the cohabitation.
Katrien and her ex are excluded from all these figures. They actually lived together as a couple, a form of cohabitation about which so little data is available that it remains a blind spot. Research from UAntwerp from 2018 shows that of cohabiting couples who do not marry, only a third are still together after fourteen years. To make the transition as gentle as possible for the children, the ex-couple tried bird nesting. This is a form of co-parenting in which the parents change homes instead of the children.
“So we had to look for a place that felt good for both me and my ex. Because we would both take turns staying in that second home. Each with their own place plus the family home, that became too expensive. It would be financially tough anyway, because we would each pay rent and mortgage. It had to be an affordable rental apartment close to the family home, near Ghent, so the prices are corresponding.
“I quickly noticed that regular apartments were too expensive or too accommodating. Moreover, my situation was too uncertain to conclude a three-year lease. That’s why I quickly started looking for alternatives. After some searching I found a B&B one street away from our family home. I took the plunge, explained our situation, and asked if we could rent the accommodation for a few months. It was winter then, a quiet period in the tourism sector. And sure enough, I was lucky. I moved in on New Year’s Eve, which felt festive. Finally I had a place for myself, finally I could put that chapter behind me. Because make no mistake, a divorce is emotionally intense, even if everything is amicable.
“Eventually, bird nesting became too challenging logistically, and it also took a toll emotionally. I no longer felt at home in the family home, had the feeling that because of that place I could not be the mother I wanted to be.” In the meantime, Katrien lives in a renovated notary office that has been transformed into an apartment building. She likes living there, pays a reasonable price and has good contact with the landlord. Yet she longs for her own place.
“My children now sleep together in a room,” says Katrien, “but I hope to eventually be able to give them each their own room. Especially for my eleven-year-old daughter; as a beginning teenager she longs for a place for herself.”
Are these house hunters not entitled to social housing? Stefanie: “When I got divorced ten years ago, I immediately put myself on the waiting list for social housing. I am still waiting. I recently visited the social housing company again. Apparently I am in the top ten for an award, but every time there is someone with a more precarious situation. I was told that a family living in their car was given priority. I understand that, but what should I do, also live in my car?”
Joy Verstichele explains: “The average waiting time for social housing is long. For singles in some cities or municipalities, six to even ten years. Cause? The missing offer. Not enough new buildings are being built and many buildings are also unavailable because they are being renovated.”
Not everyone likes social housing. “I have considered signing up for social housing,” says Iris, “but the waiting list is holding me back. I’m also afraid of where I would end up. In the meantime, I live in an apartment within walking distance of the children’s school. I’d rather stay here.”
If recently divorced people find something on the social housing market, that is often too pricey. “A while ago I saw a call from the municipality about affordable housing,” says Katrien.
“I started looking into that and was eligible, but I couldn’t even afford that financially. Although I am not actively looking for a new home at the moment, I wonder to what extent it is still feasible to ever buy a house as a single person and a parent of two. Especially with the renovation obligation in mind. I hope that there will be corresponding premiums to support this. The administrative burden is also taken into account, because there is so much to arrange as a single parent. Renovating is a major burden on your budget and personal capacity. And now that material costs are still so much higher than when we renovated our family home, I see it all as much less feasible. Although I continue to hope that one day I will earn enough to put some money aside and save for a home.”
*Stefanie is a pseudonym.
