It didn’t matter to Bas, guilty or innocent, he had killed someone and it killed him. It didn’t let him go. He kept saying that he would like to contact the relatives, offer their condolences and express his regret. His lawyer advised him against this. In his view, expressing regret would be tantamount to admitting guilt. The relatives were not present at the court hearing. They probably couldn’t handle that.
Bas told the judge that he regretted that he had not been able to get in touch with the relatives. The judge then suggested that he seek assistance from Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling, a foundation that brings people into contact with each other after a traumatic event. This foundation has made a big difference for Bas and for the remaining family of the traffic victim.
Confronting
Thanks to a mediator, a conversation was held with the parents of the deceased man. They wanted to know from Bas whether their son was still approachable after the accident, how quickly the emergency services started; but they also wanted to know how Bas was doing and indicated that they did not blame him. They talked about their son, who always ran and flew through life, was busy with a hundred and one things at the same time and could never sit still. As a child, they had often urged him to be careful in traffic. “Our son was 44, but still as energetic and running from here to here as he was when he was 15,” his father said.
They also said that he got a lot out of life, precisely because he was always so active. “Regularly changing jobs, making long journeys: he soaked up life and enjoyed it immensely.” This is a small bright spot for the parents, despite the immense void left by their deceased child. It was crucial for Bas to continue. It was confronting that the man he killed has now been given a name, a face and a story.
On the other hand, this was his way of finding resignation. No one wanted this fatal accident. But by hearing and seeing each other, there are no more reproaches and feelings of guilt. The only thing I would like to urge everyone to do is never drive through a red light. You gain nothing at all.”
