She has regularly waited with sushi for the entire street for children who did not show up. Writer Esther Verhoef (1968) and her husband Berry had to figure out a whole new family dynamic when their children flew out. Esther’s book The best time of your life, ‘ironic title, you know’, gives a glimpse behind the scenes of the empty nest.
You are known as thriller queen. Now you come with The most beautiful time of your life. A completely different book. What was that like for you?
“Delicious! When I work on a thriller or novel, I imagine myself in that fictional world for months at a time. It is often oppressive and my characters experience the most terrible things. It is not very pleasant to be in the real world at the moment. As a writer, it gave me relief to alternate those intensive writing processes with a fun project like this: casual, short pieces, lots of humor and self-mockery. Proofreaders laughed out loud at some parts. Then I knew I was in the right place. The best time of your life has become a stretched-out-on-the-couch-moment-for-yourself book. I love such books, there are far too few of them.”
The most beautiful time of your life is about the new phase of life of parents whose children leave home. Why did you feel the need to dedicate a book to that?
“The best time of your life is partly about how Berry and I try to fill that empty nest of ours. It has become a collection of tips with a wink for empty nesters, reflection on the new situation and the role you take when your children no longer live at home, and anecdotes about our new family dynamics.
But you can also read, for example, about what our first time wintering in Spain was like. Hint: we were literally in shit. I have also included the scariest and funniest things we experienced along the way with the self-built camper. In the early days we didn’t want to be at home, that empty nest was too confrontational. Things are going well again now. The title of the book refers to a statement by a neighbor and does not necessarily reflect where I am at this stage of life. In that sense you can also interpret it ironically.”
How is your contact with your children at the moment? And how often do you see them?
“The last one moved into a room two years ago, so we are now used to the new situation. There are calls or texts almost every day. They also come home regularly and we also go on holiday together. I see around me that things sometimes go differently, so Berry and I feel absolutely blessed. Still, I sometimes want to crawl back to the time when those three were still in primary school in France. But yes, you have to move on, that is the whole crux of this earthly existence. We just make the best of it. At the same time, the peace we now experience, the fact that we are much less busy and do not have to be on all the time, is also a really nice gift.”
Do you experience a different bond with your children now that they have left home?
“Of course. I had to reinvent myself as a mother. What could or was I allowed to interfere with and what did I no longer have a say in? If you live together under one roof, it is only normal that you know each other where you are, with whom, where you eat and whether you come home at night. Once a child lives on their own, that information is no longer shared. That transition was quite abrupt, I had to get used to it.”
Tips for fresh emtpynesters?
“We just do whatever, right? I definitely don’t have a monopoly on wisdom. I do think that we benefit from humor in general. Not to take things too seriously or too personally. I have regularly waited with sushi for the entire street for children who did not show up. And I sometimes find friends on the couch here who mourn about children who never make contact. It helps to realize that it is also quite an event for those children. They also have to reinvent themselves as children and shape their lives on their own – often in a strange city and with unknown people.”
Can we expect another thriller from you next? Or: what will be your next project?
“I am already working on a new thriller, which will be published next year by Life and Wellbeing!”
About the book
The children have flown out, her schedule is emptier and it is still too early for the geraniums. Finally she can do what she wants. Full of zest for life, Esther Verhoef sets out in The Best Time of Your Life. She faces this new phase of life together with her husband Berry and the dogs with humor, infectious fun and the necessary self-mockery. They thoroughly enjoy themselves, but sometimes wonder how much adventure a person with fixed habits (and a need for comfort) can actually handle. There is also time for reflection: how involved should you be in the lives of your adult children? What do you have to let go of? And how do you do that? In short: how do you make this new phase the best time of your life?
(The best time of your life, Ambo Anthos, € 16.99)
About the writer
Esther Verhoef (1968) is one of the most successful and versatile writers in the Netherlands. Nearly 2.5 million copies of her thrillers and novels have been sold. Verhoef’s work has been published in more than twenty countries and has been awarded and nominated several times. Under the pseudonym Escober she writes psychological action thrillers together with Berry Verhoef.
Fancy?
We are giving away 3 copies of The Best Time of Your Life. Make a chance? Share your details in the win form below and who knows. You can participate until May 15.
