Annick’s daughter Fleur (6) died in a lawn mower accident: ‘I collapsed’

Feeling turned off

The girl must be transferred from Zwolle to the hospital in Groningen where there is a children’s intensive care unit. “An MRI scan could provide clarity, but her head first had to get as much rest as possible.”

Annick lives in a daze. “I felt like my body turned off my feelings when it became too much. I went into survival mode. Didn’t fully realize what was happening, and was mainly concerned with arranging things. It was very surreal.”

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Bad news

“It was explained to me that the pupils enlarge when the pressure in the head increases, but I had not been told that. So much happened. That’s why I didn’t realize at first that things were going in the wrong direction on Saturday. Action had to be taken, but we still had no idea how great the pressure was, so the MRI scan had to be done first.”

Annick and her ex-partner can do nothing but wait. “I was exhausted, but we had to stay in the hospital. Finally we were taken for an interview at 10:30 PM and were told that things would not work out anymore. I collapsed. You hope for clarity, but this was not the clarity we wanted. Life would never be the same again. We had previously seen that our lives would change forever, but I had not taken this scenario into account – that she would not survive.”

Don’t stretch unnecessarily

She doesn’t know at that moment what the days after the bad news will be like. “We didn’t want to drag it out unnecessarily by continuing to pump medication. Things weren’t going to turn out well anyway. Finally, on Monday we both stayed in bed with her for a while, just like our son Job. Our parents came and she passed away at half past seven.”

Annick has to do and arrange everything. “We wanted to arrange the most beautiful funeral possible for her.” But only then does the news really sink in. “My then partner and I were in the middle of a renovation, but I didn’t want the kitchen done. I wanted to do that myself. This way I had something to do, there was a reason to take action. Although there were also days when all I could do was sit on a chair and think: never mind, there’s no point.”

Trauma processing

Shortly after the death she received therapy, but a year ago she decided to take it up again because it was not finished after all. “Then I started dealing with trauma. I still had too much tension. EMDR has helped me enormously. The fact that my father died was very intense, but I am glad that I had therapy at the time. That also helped me with that. It takes a lot of time and energy, but I notice that I am getting better and better. Although I still have moments when I relapse, I just recover faster these days.”

Annick also shares her story in the book Four hands on an empty stomach, written by Bjorn Visser. In addition to Annick’s story, there are eleven stories from parents about the loss of their child(ren) and the impact this has on their relationship. Bjorn lost his twins and then founded the Rouwkost foundation. Four hands on an empty stomach can be ordered from today via Rouwkost.nl.

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