“After an injury and some humiliating attention from vague English clubs, Noa Lang is suddenly the cock of the Belgian league”

I had to decide all that without a manager. Eight minutes before the close of the columnist market, Ludo Vandewalle contacted me by phone and corrected the fee for this column: the same amount and then he would send me an email three times a week from now on explaining why he thinks my hair is very beautiful. That convinced me.

Yes, football fans, this is about the ugliest face in football: Deadline Day. There is an atmosphere in sports editorials that you can also perceive around a stock market crash: total madness around you and trying to bring some order to it. I assume that this newspaper has specially appointed an Employee Cristiano Ronaldo for the last transfer week.

His story is the saddest. Here are the notes from employee Ronaldo: Ronaldo wants to leave anyway. In conversation with Kubbelbach am Schnatterhause, where he can become a material man. Everything back on track. Ronaldo wants to be the only player in a purple lederhosen. Ronaldo now in talks with a Finnish club. The clubs seem to be getting out. Everything back to square one. Turned out to be an ice hockey club. Ronaldo offered to the municipality of Weesp in the Netherlands, where he can become Head of Plantsoendienst. They are looking for someone who can jump very high to prune the lower branches of trees.

It’s been a terrible week for Cristiano. They made documentaries about him, he showed his fleet in films, he modeled a son in his physical image and now he is suddenly half the dry bread in the supermarket that is not sold for even a quarter of the price. Everyone was allowed to watch this demise.

That is the attraction of the last transfer period for many people. In a few days – especially in the last 24 hours – it is decided who will be the sun king of professional football for the coming season and who will be the hunchbacked whistleblower of a vague club.

Noa Lang – you know, I’m a big fan – is an artist. During the football holiday months he farted Belgian football hard in the neck. Oh how glad he was to get away. To a real Italian club. How would you miss him. He had shaken up your competition. You should have enjoyed the child prodigy. They were wonderful interviews. You listened to or read his lyrics and just didn’t understand that there was so much confidence in that little body.

© BELGA

Now suddenly everything is different. Due to an injury and some humiliating attention from vague English clubs, Noa Lang is suddenly the cock of the Belgian league. Under the watchful eye of everyone he tried to insult in interviews, he must now – if he is fully recovered – show that he is completely bitter. For the non-neutral viewer, that will be a pleasure.

In the weeks leading up to Deadline Day, it’s all about the football players’ egos. Clubs hardly seem to play a role. What we’ve all been watching is a game of testosterone guys battling to the death to fight their way up the new pecking order.

At Ajax – the club with the craziest screaming delusions of pride – they are now, after the transfer period, with a mentally broken team. According to the latest counts – in the midst of the ongoing competition – three players have refused to train because they were mentally unable to bring it up.

Antony skipped all training sessions for a week. Edson Alvarez was able to go to Chelsea for 50 million on the last day and Ajax finally did, for the first time actually, what I had been hoping for for weeks: it kept the leg stiff and wanted nothing to do with a transfer.

Alfred Schreuder, success coach in Bruges and actually also left for the Netherlands in an ugly way, is suddenly without a team. There will be guys in the locker room together who could kill each other. Alvarez, who is going to kick hard and get disdainful looks from the aspiring Ajax youth.

© ISOPIX

It seems impossible for many trainers to solve this in the near future. How do you make sure that fellow players of Noa Lang start to feel something for that boy again? How will the public react to his swallowed insults? How do you make a team from a group of people half of whom would rather play football somewhere else?

How do you get Cristiano Ronaldo so mad that he will sit on the bench at Manchester United for months to come? I’m very curious how that will go. Chasing your so many thousandth record and then having to sit next to a caretaker. It will be a wonderful season for the neutral viewer.

The article is in Dutch

Tags: injury humiliating attention vague English clubs Noa Lang suddenly cock Belgian league

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