“Can you mourn if you’re disappointed with the gender of your baby?”

“Can you mourn if you’re disappointed with the gender of your baby?”
“Can you mourn if you’re disappointed with the gender of your baby?”

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of Maria (12) and Phaedra (9). Every Friday she writes accurate, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.

A colleague is pregnant with her first child. When I asked her if she knew what it was, tears welled up in her eyes. “Aren’t you happy?” I asked her carefully. “Well, it’s a boy,” she replied softly. “And he’s healthy so I shouldn’t be ‘not happy’.”

take a breath

“I totally get you,” I said. And I thought I saw a weight lift off her shoulders. What followed was an honest and open conversation about her disappointment. She was grieving: the idea of ​​not having a girl needed a place.

Twelve years ago something similar happened to me. Because when I was pregnant after five years, six rounds of IUI and three rounds of IVF, I also had to swallow when the sonographer said I was going to have a son. I was 16 weeks pregnant and the woman was a heavyweight, a true pro at ultrasound. At least that’s what I assumed.

Young acquaintance

When I had the 20-week ultrasound four weeks later, there was an ultrasound that had just finished student. In the intervening four weeks, I had barely finished buying the entire boys’ section of Zara. Yes, I had to get used to the fact that I was going to have a son, but after all the uncertainty about whether I would get pregnant at all, I was content. I even wanted to give birth to a three-tailed kangaroo for that matter.

Full of self-confidence, the young woman asked if we wanted to know what the gender would be. My husband and I looked at each other with a small smile. Like: ‘We’ve known that for a long time, madam, but bring on your young knowledge.’

“Congratulations! You’re having a girl!”

Tears of joy

I will never forget what happened then. I burst into tears. Of happiness. An emotion I didn’t know was there. From the bottom of my toes I was so happy to have a girl. The opposite happened to my husband: he was dead white. He never had a son. I took his hand and I understood his disappointment. You understand that the young sonographer needed some updating, because she was lost with these over-emotional parents-to-be in her room.

Look, in the end you are happy with a healthy child and everything finds its way, but my story still does well at parties.

Give a place

A week later, I asked my colleague how she was doing. “Super good,” she said. She was intensely happy with a son, she just had to give it a place and that is everyone’s right.

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The article is in Dutch

Tags: mourn youre disappointed gender baby

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