Frederik De Backer is a columnist.
Cheers and cheers, the new iPhone is coming! All over the world, tech vloggers with fogged glasses are jealously mistaking tablets for puffy chino pants, and who can blame them? The iPhone is everything to everyone, life’s breath to anyone who considers themselves to have transcended primacy. Food and drink, who knows even natural gas. We have not come any closer to a golden calf this century.
On Wednesday, issue 14 will be unveiled, yet another relic of Saint Steve, patron saint of turtleneck wearers and absent fathers, the man who united pale computer geeks and sniffing marketing hunks – our gratitude could not be greater. Tim Cook has already been turned off and on and provided with all the necessary updates to introduce the world to the many new, dizzying heights of ingenuity exploratory gadgets of this godsend: fewer entries and exits, more dongles and cutscenes! A fourth, fifth and why not a sixth camera on the front, back and every possible side! A bigger screen!
Rarely is a hand in our back pockets louder than an Apple presentation. A creepy clique reveling in her adoration. People who get their identity from a store, however beautifully designed the box, are just as ugly as those who get it from a cup of coffee. You consume something! Can you hear me praising the Bosteels tartar sauce? No, at most a soft sob under a blanket, as it should be.
I buy, therefore I am, that’s what it comes down to more than ever. Of course it’s not new, it’s been seeping in for so long that we don’t even taste the pfos anymore. It started with the industrial revolution and it has its merits, but the looms never stopped long when another child had fallen under it. Energy prices have been rising for months, but action is only taken when companies are in distress. Consumers receive less protection for the taxes they do pay.
Once upon a time, a consumer was called a citizen.
That’s why a circus like the one Apple is putting up next week makes me so mad. Again and again a dick in a frame that would cost us two months’ wages tells us with a wall-to-wall smile how much better he and his cronies are going to make our lives, and week after week, month after month, year after year things get worse. They pollute water, air and land, sell our data, drive slaves as if Rome had never fallen, and if anyone comes out on their misdeeds, no one is punished. 3M, Volkswagen, Borealis, the banks… one head never rolls, but woe betide you if you’re ten minutes late to refill the parking meter.
48 megapixels to capture the rotting sharply.