“I am a great lover of the male member: it is a miracle of nature”

“I am a great lover of the male member: it is a miracle of nature”
“I am a great lover of the male member: it is a miracle of nature”
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“The Belgian developers have taken a very smart approach in Cadzand over the past ten years and have built exclusive real estate there. Ideal for the rich who find Knokke a bit too busy and too much m’as-tu-vu”

In Knokke they proudly call their Albertplein the “place m’as tu vu” and they have only just installed a chic dome there as an eye-catcher, but what does it show? According to Stefaan Coucke, who specializes in luxury real estate, the really rich prefer to go a few kilometers further to Cadzand. Marc Coucke reportedly sold his flat there for 8 million euros. And for that price you are not even allowed to live there permanently, it is purely a holiday home. (in The last news)

“Beautiful clothes are my alcohol”

The buyer of that apartment was probably not Union player Cameron Puertas. Although he does not spend money on going out, he invests in clothes: “I have a cardigan worth almost 3,000 euros. Every now and then I take it out of the closet to wear.” (in the Newspaper)

“I think I’ve had at most twenty pints in my entire life”

Singer Walter Grootaers spends money on alcohol, but not on beer: “I have tried everything: pilsner, bollekes De Coninck on tap… It gets stuck in my esophagus after two sips.” (in The last news)

“I would have loved to drink beer after the final, but I had a rather painful bladder infection: I had to rely on Ibuprofen instead of alcohol”

Niels Tuijaerts, group member of Koala Disco and Zegel, also did not drink beer during the final of the Rock Rally: “It was slightly disastrous for my performance on stage, I’m afraid: I was a bit weaker, a bit less energetic than normal.” Would Walter Grootaers always have been less energetic on stage? Read on quick! (in Humo)

“Making people blow during a game of petanque: isn’t that all going way too far?”

In petanque they also want their players to become less energetic: alcohol is now prohibited, although petanque player Frederik De Brauwer strongly disagrees: “For most of us, petanque is just a game that involves a beer. Petanque is not golf, right? Most players come from the working class and like to enjoy an alcoholic drink during their well-deserved weekend while practicing their hobby.” (in The last news)

Walter Grootaers. — © Dirk Leunis

“I drank entire trucks of Cola Zero”

Because Walter Grootaers wanted to be energetic on stage, he started drinking Bacardi-Cola, and later he replaced the Bacardi with vodka, “because Bacardi contains too much sugar”. And cola also contains a lot of sugar, so it became Cola Zero. But it contains aspartame and he thinks it gave him liver cancer: “I have read that this substance can have an influence.”

“Obelix fell into the cauldron of magic potion, I fell into the cauldron of melancholy”

Singer Jasper Steverlinck has not drunk trucks full of aspartame, but a kettle full of melancholy does not make anyone happy either. (in The last news)

“Instead of standing drunkenly in the Overpoort at four o’clock in the morning, I sat in my room and moaned at emotional auditions in Britain’s got talent

Presenter Julie Van den Steen also did not need a drink to become emotional. (in The last news)

Helena Cazaerck by Maria Iscariot.

Helena Cazaerck by Maria Iscariot. — © Koen Bauters

“I wasn’t hungover, I had turned off my phone because I wanted to sit in the sun instead of answering the barrage of messages all the time. Everyone suddenly sent something and Radio Willy even wanted to do an interview at a quarter past eight in the morning, but I thought that was really too early.”

The fact that Helena Cazaerck, frontwoman of Maria Iscariot, was unreachable the day after the Rock Rally final was not because she had celebrated their win too exuberantly, nor because she had been talking in the Overpoort. (in Humo)

“I have never done fingering in Bruges”

And it wasn’t because she had put out the flowers and given them water in Bruges. (Helena Cazaerck in Humo)

“If those women have an appointment with Dennis for a technical casting, which is very common in the porn world, then they should not come and say afterwards that he raped them”

Do you also imagine something involving screwdrivers and wrenches in ‘technical casting’? According to Helena Catoir, Dennis Black Magic’s fiancée, we should rather think of a pipe wrench set. “Did he put women in touch with porn stars in exchange for a blowjob? Yes, but should he be punished so harshly for that?”

“After ten days of technical testimony about how the $130,000 hush money payment to Stormy Daniels was made, the jurors were on the edge of their seats for the story of the key figure in this trial.”

Dennis Black Magic may have done ‘technical casting’, but at the trial against Donald Trump they held ‘technical testimony’. No idea what tools were used. (in The standard)

“When I gave him a slap on the wrist with a rolled up magazine, Trump became a bit more polite”

Although Stormy Daniels also had a certain technique in her attempts to tame Trump in bed. We remember: print media still has its uses. (in The standard)

Mary Iscariot.

Mary Iscariot. — © Agathe Danon

“We all like to have sex, but we don’t want to profile ourselves as an oversexed band”

Would Maria Iscariot’s group members actually have great technical skills? “We saw almost all the performances of the final and every time I thought: ‘such good musicians!’ Seriously, we really didn’t expect to win.” (in Humo)

“Yes, I’ve seen it: the biggest penis. You know, I’m a big fan of the male member. I think that is a miracle of nature. He is so ingenious. With its veins and its anti-backflow valves and its erectile tissues! And that beautiful crown at the top! A man can rightly be proud of that”

Of course, we don’t have to teach Goedele Liekens anything more about technology. (in Nina)

“It’s like watching your parents have sex. You don’t want to see that, do you?”

In the new series Maxima the actors who portray the Dutch king and queen demonstrate their technical skills a little too enthusiastically, according to Marc Marie Huijbrechts, among others. (in Gert’s table)

“Progressiveness is a muscle that needs to be stretched every now and then”

Niels Tuijaerts from Koala Disco and Zegel knows that technique is not everything: you also have to have the muscles for it. But he actually wanted to say that he finds it liberating to stand on stage in a skirt and walk down the street. (in Humo)

Stormy Daniels.

Stormy Daniels. — © ap

“If Trump fans call me a human toilet, then I’m well placed to flush their orange turds”

Stormy Daniels should not give too many technical details. (in The standard)

“Putin is a dictator who can poop on the heads of his citizens”

Should we ask Stormy Daniels to unclog things in Russia? (writer Mikhail Shishkin in The standard)

“In the 1970s, the superstition in football was crude and simple: take a shit fifteen minutes before the game and come onto the field sixth.”

Would Putin still have played football in the 1970s? (columnist Nico Dijkshoorn in Newspaper)

“My main question is: when the hell am I going to go to the bathroom in those 3.5 hours?”

This question is not asked by a football player or a Russian dictator, but by a fan of Taylor Swift who will visit some of her European concerts: “I have already calculated which songs I spend the most time between, but it will still be a matter of walking .” (in The standard)

Mary Iscariot.

Mary Iscariot. — © Titus Simoens

“We are looking for a second-hand van that can accommodate at least six people and that has sufficient loading space for our instruments. Of course we are also open to a sponsorship deal with Mercedes or something, so that we can invest the 10,000 euros in the recording of a record. “Look at our beautiful bus?” we will say to everyone, everywhere we go. ‘We received this from our fantastic sponsors. Guys, it drives so smoothly!’”

Maria Iscariot may be a punk band, but in 2024 punks are not averse to being sponsored. (in Humo)

“We want to buy a tour van with our prize money, because we can’t fit in a car with our instruments. But that turns out to be much more expensive than 10,000 euros. If anyone wants to sponsor: definitely welcome”

And if no candidate sponsors present themselves through Humo, then perhaps through The Ghent residentthey think of Mary Iscariot.

Jo Brouns' campaign van.

Jo Brouns’ campaign van. — © Facebook

“You can count on the farmers”

And suppose Maria Iscariot’s van got stuck in a field with their van, whether sponsored or not, then they could follow the example of the campaign team of Minister of Agriculture Jo Brouns, which allowed itself to be pulled away by a farmer. Good thing it wasn’t Zuhal Demir’s campaign team! (on Facebook)

The article is in Dutch

Tags: great lover male member miracle nature

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