Mark Coenen is a columnist.
Half human, half concrete block but with a heart of cookie bread: Dwayne Johnson is the ideal man. When he gets out of his personalized Hummer on the way to allow a fan to take a selfie, he often faints. Not because Dwayne has a pungent body odor but simply out of ecstatic admiration.
Dwayne has a nickname that is on everyone’s lips: The Rock, that’s what people call him, often shedding a tear. No muscles but steel cables run in long chains over his body, his bald head sticks out above it like a strong-willed torpedo, his eyes scan around very quickly because he is always on the alert to eliminate a possible enemy.
In his arms he usually carries a sweet pig that he saved from a stable fire at the risk of his own life. “And when he laughs, the whole sky opens up and you imagine yourself in the tropics,” to quote Yevgueni. That Dwayne.
A year ago, people in America surveyed who they would most like to have as president after the 2024 election. Nearly half of those surveyed answered loudly: “Just give us Dwayne Johnson! Half human, half concrete block, but with a heart made of biscuit bread!” The actor thanked him festively because, being a Completely New Man, he feared that he would not be able to spend enough time with his own children, who are barely 22, 7 and 5. He flexed his muscles carelessly.
Not all of them are Oscar material, but a few actors across the pond proved that the transition is possible: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ronald Reagan went far into politics after a career in mostly B-movies. It could inspire some Flemish parties who are desperately looking for a second wind, although one cannot say that they lack acting talent. Anyone who firmly insists that confederalism is the answer to all our questions is an unparalleled born actor, but they also suffer from metal fatigue.
If we’re honest, there’s only one man who can bring the hell out of politics just by showing off his manly jawline, and that is of course the much-loved character actor Matthias Schoenaerts. Make him leader of your party and before you know it he will be attending the meetings of the European Council as a representative of the new government.
Carelessly he flexes his muscles. In his arms he carries a sweet pig that he saved from a stable fire at the risk of his own life.