Arriving at work feeling nauseous every day and running to the toilet is quite difficult if you have to pretend that nothing is wrong. Untenable, Lisa thought. “It was one of the reasons to inform my colleagues after seven weeks of pregnancy. A great moment, but also early if you look at the average. In our society it is self-evident to tell people after twelve weeks.”
Taboo
Lisa thought it was important to be open about it. “If things go wrong and I have a miscarriage, I will tell you. Even then they should know what I’m going through. I don’t think it’s time to deal with that on your own. Negative moments are also part of life.”
The fact that it is a taboo shows how we as a society view pregnancy, Lisa believes. “As if it were an exclusive women’s affair. Times have changed. I run a company and my colleagues, both male and female, also want the next generation. Pregnancy and miscarriages are part of this and they can be discussed.”
‘Would have saved a lot of stress’
Pregnancy causes a lot of changes in the female body. So you have a different kind of discharge in the last few weeks. “It was very watery and I thought: this isn’t normal, is it?” Because Lisa was in her last weeks of pregnancy, she was extra alert. It could be amniotic fluid.
“It was wet and sometimes it would slide through my underwear, down my thigh. Alarm bells went off, I was constantly in a hyper-alert mode. Is it discharge, urine or amniotic fluid? It could just be that my waters had broken, but how do you know this?”
The breaking of the waters does not happen like in Hollywood films with a splash on the ground. In most women, contractions start first and then the waters break. “I shared this with friends and they recognized this. If we had talked about this earlier, it would have saved me a lot of stress. Then I was more reassured, knowing that I don’t have to think that labor has started every time I visit the toilet.”
Dead tired
Lisa’s belly continued to grow well. “I was extremely fat, waddled like a duck and couldn’t walk outside for more than fifteen minutes. I also slept terribly, had heartburn and was very tired. And then the birth has to start. For me, the baby was allowed to come.”
From 38 weeks onwards, Lisa started paying attention to every little signal in her stomach. When it turned out not to be the start of labor, she was disappointed. “I didn’t know that with a first child it can take an average of forty weeks and five days before labor starts. That’s almost only at 41 weeks. While I had been struggling with contractions for two weeks.”
‘What did I stand for?’
Pre-contractions are a way for your body to prepare your uterus for childbirth. “I didn’t know you could have this four times a week and it could hurt just as much as a normal contraction.”
You have to time a practice contraction, if the contraction then stops, it is a practice contraction. This way you can recognize the difference between a practice contraction and a real contraction. “I sat there again with a timer in my hand, hoping that labor had started.” Every time those practice contractions stopped, it felt like a disappointment. What was I in for? I found it very difficult psychologically.”
Childbirth
Lisa’s labor starts after 41 weeks. Pregnancy ailments disappear like snow in the sun and she experiences the birth enriching and positive. “I was in my own space, which felt very nice.”
The combination of oxytocin and endorphins provides a buzz that makes it easier to disconnect from the outside world. You feel less pain and discomfort. “It almost feels like you’ve taken an ecstasy pill. The nice, warm buzz takes you to another planet where the feeling of contractions is bearable. And yes, of course, it hurts a lot and yes, I squeezed my partner’s hand and I puffed myself.”
Magic
“But you feel like you can do something to cope and that’s magical. I compare it to motion sickness. When you’re feeling extremely nauseous, there may be a moment when you can look at the road ahead and concentrate, allowing you to deal with the nausea. It was the same with the contractions.
I found it extremely empowering. Every woman can do it. Like I zoomed out and floated above myself and thought: holy shit, I’m just doing this. I felt very cool and this gave me a familiar feeling.” Lisa flowed on this feeling up to five centimeters, but in the second half the pain became worse.
“Everything hurt terribly. During the push contraction I became afraid to push. It is so unnatural to do something that hurts with your own body. The ring of fire is no joke.”
Pain disappeared
It is a burning sensation at your vaginal opening when your baby’s head is about to be born; this may take a few minutes. “A child has to come out through your vagina and that literally felt to me like a fireball had to come out. The pain disappeared when my baby was born. That’s crazy, because you just experienced the worst pain ever for fifteen hours. As soon as she was in my arms everything was fine and I forgot about the pain. I can’t describe what that feeling is like. It’s magical.”
At home with a family of three, Lisa and her boyfriend were on a pink cloud. Yet even after giving birth you will be faced with novelties and surprises. “I shuffled to the toilet and without realizing it, I said to my friend, ‘I think I’m peeing already’.”
Your pelvic floor has suffered a blow during childbirth, making it difficult to retain urine. During the first few days, Lisa found herself unable to make it to the toilet. Not yet talking about the condition of your vagina and vulva. “It felt like a big mess.”
Sex again for the first time
“The first three days everything was extremely swollen and I felt like there was a croissant between my legs. My vulval lips were extremely thick. After a week I looked at myself from underneath in the mirror and it looked almost as usual. It’s crazy how a vulva recovers.”
Although the feeling is a different story, the pain and soreness takes time to heal. After eight weeks, Lisa and her boyfriend have sex again for the first time. Something she found extremely exciting. “I have a sweet friend who is super relaxed. We took all the time, but for me it felt like losing my virginity. It is more sensitive and stiffer, you get less wet and you have to do it very carefully.”
New body
Physically it is a place with scar tissue, but mentally it is also a trauma area. Every birth is a tough experience for your body and mind that requires time to come to terms with it.
Lisa is now recovering well and feels fit and energetic. Although she has to get used to her new body. “I have to accept that I no longer have the tight body I used to, but I try to be gentle with myself. Slowly, the new life in the house feels like it has never been different.”
More openness
More openness would have saved Lisa a lot of stress during her pregnancy and childbirth. “Even though I read up well, I made it quite difficult for myself because of all the unknowns. If there had been more discussion about those details such as discharge and pre-contractions, I might have dealt with it more level-headed. Then I wouldn’t be sitting around like a crazy person with a timer in my hand and I would be less stressed when I confused discharge with amniotic fluid.”
Women’s issues are taboo and little is talked about. At work you don’t easily tell people that you have your period, are going to change a tampon or have had a miscarriage. Lisa prefers that women call the animal by its name. “You better be open about it.”
Knowledge is power and that is why Lisa hopes that her story can be a form of preparation for others. “It’s a wonderful experience, but everything that is unknown is just exciting. If you know what to expect, you will have more peace of mind.”
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